First there was Unpack-from-Mondulkiri-and-Remove-Dust-from-one-and-all. Let's just say my khakis are no longer khakis. They're, um, hilltop-red?
Then there was the Nanny-Situation. Things weren't really working out well, the quality of communication wasn't improving with the quantity, and then we had another Scare. In plain English, my not-quite-intermediate skills in Khmer were not enough to converse freely with her and she, being blessed with such a genuinely social nature, could not stop talking in Khmer! I want to make it clear that she is such a nice person, a Christian mom of two genuinely interested in helping out my family, and happy enough to spend time with my little boy. But. We're not the most normal family out here, and this couldn't, and can't, be ignored.
Several friends have asked how it feels to live here, what our daily routines are, and so on. Basically, what life is like here for a young family. I have many things to say about that but one thing that has been surprisingly apparent is that we're not the most typical un-typical family! In other words, we are strange foreigners with strange foreign habits but also foreigners with untypical habits. We are very fussy about food and hygiene but there is a reason behind it, it's just hard for many people (including ourselves at first) to grasp. We are an allergy family.
When Milo was about 4 months old he was diagnosed with milk protein allergy. It's actually not that rare among newborns and the great majority grow out of it by age 3. But it does mean that until that happens, until Milo tolerates dairy products, we have to avoid it 100%. Now, coming to Asia was a relief as far as this allergy issue is concerned! People in Asia hardly use milk at all. It's not a part of traditional cuisine and these days it's mostly considered a drink for children and that's it. Cambodian kids do drink dairy milk and sometimes eat yoghurt but butter, not to mention cheese, can be hard to find even in Phnom Penh.
What was a big surprise (even after living in Asia for years - without this allergy to take into consideration) and admittedly disappointing to us was that shops catering to international clientele seem to float in milk powder... There may be shelf after shelf of just cookies but I have honestly found only two brands that are completely dairy free. Oreos and Lu's jam cakes are better than nothing, I'm not complaining about that especially as I love to bake, but it does mean that whenever we are with other kids there's a good chance a milky-buttery-creamy cookie will turn up at some point.
This means that we even considering whether Milo can continue to go to Sunday school because the cookie break comes 15 minutes into the playtime and crumbs are everywhere. It's been fine until now as he hasn't really been into cookies, not having tasted very many of them! But he's quite quickly picking up on the fact that all the other kids get interesting and yummy looking cookies while he's given the same old Ikea-bought I, K, E, and A wholemeal cookies ;) I guess there's not enough variety in those four letters to last very long.
Anyway, it's the whole concept of allergies that is difficult to explain to someone without firsthand experience (if you've never had that tingling sensation in your mouth it must sound odd). And as we know, allergies and asthma are actually modern-day afflictions, becoming (alarmingly) more common in the West but still quite rare in developing countries.
When we started working with our nanny I tried to explain all this in my stumbling Khmer but didn't trust my messy vocabulary enough to leave it at that and therefore asked my tutor to translate it all a second time. To sum it up, "Som aat aoi Milo tek dah kou!," (ie. please don't give Milo milk).
Two weeks later, I walk into the kitchen after my Khmer lesson only to first set my eyes on a carton of milk, this one called "Dairy Milk" in a huge font. In front of Milo. And Milo with a cup in his hand.
With my heart racing I jumped at the cup, literally threw it in the sink, checked Milo (his vitals actually: breathing, check, normal skin, check, etc.), and put the carton of milk back in the fridge. Milo was fine, what a relief. My tutor was still there so I asked her again to translate the "no milk, EVER" -litany. The nanny said there hadn't been time for Milo to drink any yet. A minute or so later, it was the tutor who stopped our conversation to note that all of a sudden Milo had developed big red bumps on his face. Hives. Scary, again. Thankfully nothing else happened and within 30 min the hives faded away without the help any meds. Apparently the milk had just splashed a bit on Milo's face though I have to say I'm not fully convinced by this story. Nevertheless, I felt it was enough a scare for all of us.
It was as if Amy had read my mind when she posted a message online on the Cambodia Parent Network asking if there are any other families with (highly) allergic kids. A week after that first message four of us expat moms and two of our youngest kids got together to start up Cambodia's first (?) and only Allergy Support Group.
In the next few weeks, though, we had several incidents where our nanny had either given Milo cookies herself or not intervened when someone else, usually a stranger, had wanted to do so. Worried about this, I was so happy that I had recently met these other moms and could turn to them for some peer support.
One of the moms had a a great idea - why not ask one allergy-knowledgeable and experienced nanny to train the others. So last week we all got together again and we did had this training take place in Khmer.
Unfortunately, later on in the week we had a few more milky-cookie misunderstandings. And then on Friday a bigger issue with childcare safety. It was a very difficult decision to make but on Monday we had to let our nanny go :(
So, life with small kids is not always that easy, here nor there of course, and partly for the same reasons. Maybe some issues that grow in size over here.
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